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Parenting a willful child: a journey of growth

Ashleigh Gold

Parenting a willful child can feel like riding an emotional rollercoaster. While it may be tempting to think that parenting is easier when we have a compliant, agreeable child, there's a deeper truth that often goes unnoticed: the most challenging children to raise can grow into the most interesting, capable, and resilient adults.

We’ve all experienced the validation that comes from hearing how well-behaved our child is. It’s like a reassuring pat on the back. “You must be doing something right,” we’re told when teachers commend their politeness or when other parents marvel at their good manners. A compliant child is, in many ways, easier to parent. They go with the flow, do what’s expected, and rarely rock the boat. On the surface, this feels like a win for everyone involved.


However, beneath that harmony, there can sometimes be a quieter issue. Compliant children may internalize the belief that their worth is tied to pleasing others. They may learn to suppress their own needs, dreams, and desires in order to meet the expectations of the adults in their lives. They do what is asked of them, not because they want to, but because they feel that’s how they earn love and approval. While the results might look good in the short term, this can come at the cost of authenticity and self-expression.


On the other hand, willful children—those who challenge every directive, resist authority, and refuse to “just do as they’re told”—often feel like they are pushing us to our limits. These children don’t take no for an answer without a fight, they question the status quo, and they express their emotions in loud, and sometimes public, ways. The child who throws a tantrum in the grocery store or refuses to leave the mall isn’t just being difficult for the sake of it. They are often struggling to manage their big emotions and communicate needs that feel urgent and unignorable.


As parents, it’s easy to feel embarrassed or inadequate in these moments. We might worry about our child's future—wondering whether they’ll succeed in school, form meaningful relationships, or learn to respect authority. Will they grow into adults who can navigate life successfully? But here’s the paradox: that very willfulness, that stubborn determination, is often a marker of a child who knows who they are and isn’t afraid to stand up for it.

And here’s the important part: these children will be determined. They will not give up, and that’s a good thing! Their persistence and resilience will serve them well in life. They will be the children who stand up for others, as they aren’t afraid to use their voice. When they see injustice, they will fight against it. Their strong sense of self will give them the courage to confront wrongdoing, even when it’s unpopular. These children have the potential to change the world.


Willful children test our boundaries, but they are also teaching us. They force us to dig deep into our own patience, our creativity, and our problem-solving skills. They compel us to question how we parent and why. They show us that parenting isn’t about molding our children into perfect little beings who never make waves—it’s about guiding them in a way that allows their true selves to flourish.


These children have strong wills because they have a strong sense of self, and while that can be exhausting in the moment, it’s an incredible gift. They are learning early on how to assert themselves, how to navigate conflict, and how to express their needs—all crucial skills for adulthood.


So, the next time you find yourself at odds with your willful child, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that their resistance is not a sign of failure, but of their growing independence. Yes, parenting a willful child is hard, but with that challenge comes the potential for raising a thoughtful, passionate, and authentic adult who knows how to march to the beat of their own drum. And isn’t that, in the end, what we all want for our children?

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