Supporting Teens Through Anxiety and School Stress

September can be an exciting time for teenagers, but it can also be a lot.

After a summer with a little more freedom and flexibility, suddenly there are classes, assignments, sports practices, games, friendships, part-time jobs, family expectations, and all the usual teenage social dynamics to navigate. For some teens, the shift back into a busy routine can happen almost overnight.

Over the past 20 years, I've worked with teenagers as a teacher, school counsellor, youth coach, and now as a Registered Clinical Counsellor. I've also raised three kids through the ups and downs of adolescence. One thing I've learned is that the transition back to school can be a real trigger for anxiety, even for teens who seem to be doing well.

I've worked with high-achieving students who stay up late trying to make an assignment perfect because they are already worried about falling behind. I've seen athletes who look confident and capable on the outside but are carrying a lot of pressure internally. I've also sat with teens who, within the first few weeks of school, start saying they don't want to go anymore because everything has begun to feel like too much.

Anxiety doesn't always look like anxiety

When we think about an anxious teenager, we might picture someone who is obviously worried or nervous. But anxiety can look quite different from that.

It can show up as perfectionism, procrastination, irritability, avoidance, shutting down, or constantly putting things off. A teen might become resistant to school or seem unmotivated when they are actually overwhelmed. They might say, "I'm fine," while feeling anything but fine.

It can also look different from one teenager to another. Some teens become very self critical and focused on getting everything right. Others become more withdrawn, irritable, or disengaged. What looks like laziness, defiance, or not caring can sometimes be a sign that a young person is struggling to manage the amount of pressure they're experiencing.

Of course, every teenager is different. The important thing is to look beyond the behaviour and try to understand what might be underneath it. Sometimes what looks like an overreaction is actually a nervous system responding to something that feels threatening or familiar. You can read more about this in Are You Often Feeling Triggered?.

Why September can be a difficult transition

For many teens, September brings a lot of different demands at the same time. There is academic pressure, changing friendships, sports, social media, family expectations, part time work, and, for older students, increasing pressure around grades and post secondary plans. And then there are the group chats, notifications and social expectations that don't really switch off.

After a summer that may have involved more sleep, outdoor time and unstructured time with friends, going back to a full school schedule can be a pretty big adjustment for the brain and body. For more ideas about navigating the transition into fall and finding a manageable rhythm when life gets busy, you might also enjoy Finding Balance in the Season of Change.

This is one reason I don't think we can always "think our way out" of anxiety. When a teenager is already overwhelmed, giving them more advice or telling them to stop worrying isn't necessarily going to help.

Often the first step is helping their nervous system settle. Movement, being outside, getting enough sleep, spending time with people they feel comfortable with, and having opportunities for face to face connection can all be helpful. These things aren't a replacement for counselling when a teen is struggling, but they can make a meaningful difference in how well they cope with everyday stress.

Helping teens respond differently to anxiety

In counselling, I often help teens become more aware of what happens when anxiety shows up. Rather than trying to get rid of anxiety altogether, we can start to understand it and learn how to respond to it differently.

This might include:

• Recognizing what anxiety feels like in their body and noticing the thoughts that tend to come with it

• Learning how to create some space between a thought, a feeling, and a reaction

• Understanding how avoidance can provide short term relief but make anxiety harder over time

• Finding ways to manage school demands without expecting themselves to do everything perfectly

• Identifying what matters to them and continuing to move toward those things, even when anxiety is present

• Building a few practical strategies they can actually use during a busy school week

  
  

The goal isn't to eliminate anxiety. Some anxiety is a normal part of being a teenager, especially during periods of change. The goal is to help young people feel more capable of handling it so that anxiety doesn't start making their decisions for them.

Why Online Counselling Can Be a Good Fit for Teens

For families living in smaller or rural communities, finding counselling that fits with a teenager's schedule isn't always easy. This can be especially true at the beginning of the school year, when calendars quickly fill up with classes, sports, activities and other commitments. Online counselling can make accessing support a little easier.

For some teens, talking to a counsellor from their own home also feels more comfortable than walking into an office. They may find it easier to open up when they are in a familiar environment and don't have to worry about being seen entering a counselling office.

Online counselling can be a good option for:

• Teens with busy academic and extracurricular schedules

• Young people who feel more comfortable talking from home

• Families living in smaller or rural communities

• Teens who are hesitant about traditional in person counselling

• Families who need more flexibility around scheduling

  
  

I offer online counselling for youth and families across Western and Northern Canada. My goal is to provide a space where teenagers can talk openly, without judgement, and work through what's going on in a way that feels practical and relevant to their actual lives.

After 20 years working with young people as a teacher, school counsellor and coach, I understand that teenagers are often balancing more than we realize. As a parent, I also know that supporting a teenager through a difficult stretch isn't always straightforward. Sometimes they don't want advice. Sometimes they don't even know how to explain what's wrong.

Counselling can give them a place to slow things down, figure out what's going on, and develop some tools for managing it.

In Person Walk and Talk Counselling on the North Shore

For students in North and West Vancouver, I also offer in person Walk and Talk counselling at Cleveland Dam. For some teens, sitting across from a counsellor in an office doesn't feel particularly natural. Walking side by side can feel much more relaxed, and sometimes conversation comes a little more easily when we're moving rather than sitting face to face.

The trails around Cleveland Dam provide a beautiful setting to slow things down, get some fresh air, and talk through what is happening at school, at home, with friends, or simply in their own heads. I've written more about the benefits of getting outside and why sometimes the best therapy happens outside.

Walk and Talk counselling can be a particularly good fit for teens who enjoy being outdoors, find movement helpful when they're stressed, or feel more comfortable having a conversation while walking.

For North and West Vancouver students, this offers another option for counselling that feels less formal and can fit more naturally into their everyday lives.

Support That Fits Real Life

Counselling can help teens work through many of the challenges that come up during the school year, including:

• Anxiety and overwhelm

• School stress and academic pressure

• Motivation and procrastination

• Emotional regulation

• Perfectionism

• Friendships and relationships

• Confidence and self criticism

• Major life transitions

  
  

September doesn't have to be perfect. For teens and families, the goal is to find a rhythm that is manageable and sustainable, and to recognize when a young person might need a little extra support along the way.

Advance Counselling offers in-person counselling and walk-and-talk counselling in North Vancouver, as well as secure online counselling across British Columbia, Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Yukon, and the Northwest Territories. 

This article was written by Ashleigh Gold, MA, RCC, co-owner of Advance Counselling. Ashleigh and co-owner Natasha Chalke provide compassionate, evidence-based counselling for couples, adults, teens, and families navigating anxiety, ADHD, trauma, relationship challenges, parenting, co-parenting, and life transitions.