Considering separation with children: How to navigate Family Restructuring with Integrity.

• understand your options

• child centered approach

• minimize the impact on children

• supportive process

Making the decision to separate is one of the hardest decisions anyone will ever make. When you have children it makes that decision even more challenging. It is the loss of what you had hoped and the loss of the dream you tried to create. As parents we are wired to protect our children from pain and so making a choice to separate means we also fear the pain this will cause our children. But sometimes choosing yourself is the best thing we can do for our children. We need to show our children what self love looks like and sometimes that looks like separating. 

It is possible to minimize the impact on your children and find a path forward for your family. While the first decision is the one to separate, the second decision is how to do so with integrity and respect. Respect for yourself, for your partner, and for your children.  While you and your partner may feel angry, devastated, hopeless, and lost, there is a path forward that helps you to process these emotions, through family restructuring.  

Child-centered approach

One of the challenges is to learn to process your own emotions while holding space for your children to have theirs. As adults you both have the ability to access support that can help you navigate this challenging time, but your children depend on you to help them with their emotions and to protect them from carrying yours. It’s not easy, this will be one of the hardest things that you ever do. It is important to get the support that you need to navigate this journey with intention. You do not need to figure this out on your own.  Reach out to understand your options and become informed before you make decisions that will impact the wellbeing of your family long term. When you look back ten years from now, you can feel proud of the way that you managed such a difficult time for your family. 

Supportive process

It is important to get the support that you need to navigate this journey with intention. You do not need to figure this out on your own.  Reach out to understand your options and become informed before you make decisions that will impact the wellbeing of your family long term. When you look back ten years from now, you can feel proud of the way that you managed such a difficult time for your family. 

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Advance Counselling offers in-person counselling and walk-and-talk counselling in North Vancouver, as well as secure online counselling across British Columbia, Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Yukon, and the Northwest Territories. 

This article was written by Natasha Chalke, MA, RCC, co-owner of Advance Counselling. Natasha and co-owner Ashleigh Gold provide compassionate, evidence-based counselling for couples, adults, teens, and families navigating anxiety, ADHD, trauma, relationship challenges, parenting, co-parenting, and life transitions.